saturday shenanigans four

It’s been a while, but I’m back now 🙂


12345Life has been dealing me a few blows recently but I’ve been taking them like a champ, or at least I’d like to think so. It’s not as serious as it sounds. Everything is pretty much the same, the only difference is that the expectations I have for myself keep growing tremendously on a daily basis.

The past two weeks have been quite trying – creatively, emotionally, physically.
With all melt downs, it’s like a chain reaction. Starts slow but keeps building up – when one thing doesn’t go according to plan, everything else seems to shut down. One minute I was desperately trying to resolve my project, the next I was second guessing my entire life and abilities 😀 I can laugh about it now but if you know what I mean, then you understand it’s the furthest thing from funny. This two week build up of frustration reached it’s peak somewhere mid last week. It’s now gladly over, and here I am – a phoenix rising from the ashes once more. The ashes don’t symbolize a disastrous finality, but a joyful rebirth. A new chapter – more growth.

I allowed myself to feel the emotions and then tried to unscramble what the cause of this frustration was. At my ‘breaking point’, when I can’t remedy it on my own, it helps when I get some external support – I visited my friend Elsa and cried about how miserable I felt. I kept switching between talking about how, ‘I don’t know what I’m doing with my life’ and then talking about my ridiculous big dreams. Between the tears, tea and butter cookies it hit me – hey, this is all about the expectations I have of myself. It may sound shallow but hear me out. I said to her, ‘I’m so scared of failing’. And she told me something very profound, ‘Whenever I’m scared, I ask myself what do I have to lose. The answer most of the time is usually nothing‘. *Mind blown. Sees the universe in it’s entirety- galaxies floating around in space. Big Bang Theory intro imagery plays before my eyes * DAMN SON! 😀

Shortly after this conversation, I came across this Youtube video that perfectly described what a melt down is. We experience melt downs when we crave growth. You want more out of life – from yourself – and feel stuck when you can’t see or plan the way forward. And the only way to be able to move forward is by putting in work. You will either succeed or die trying. And both options are better than never trying in the first place.

It finally makes sense. With this busy world, sometimes we get carried away in the motions and forget that we are human and growth is an intrinsic part of life. We are built to grow.  And it is a daily process we have to work hard for. You won’t just grow by sitting there feeling unhappy about yourself, you have to get up and feel another kind of pain. Hard work. Perseverance. And repeat it every single day – every single moment. If at first you don’t succeed get yourself up and try again. And as Beyonce aptly put it, slay trick or you get eliminated. Whether you’re an Aaliyah or Beyonce fan you have to see there’s a common thread here.

So after a tough couple of days, and finally understanding what my body, mind and spirit were trying to tell me, I decided to do something nice for myself and had my brother tag along. We spent our afternoon feeding giraffes at The Giraffe Center, drinking tea and topped it off with some dessert at Coldstone. Get this, they have a cake called ‘A cheesecake named Desire’. Best believe that’s what we had and it was delicious. What a way to start off my week ❀

I want to end this post by saying how grateful I am. For life, the people who love me – friends and family. And for the love I feel for them in return. I am grateful for this blog and the continuous growth it keeps pushing me towards. And as a creative outlet that keeps me seeking and attracting more beautiful experiences. For you, and you, and you, and you who keep coming back to read my endless ramblings here! 😀 For everything.

I am grateful for the opportunity to grow each and every day. I now understand more and more every day that I have the ability to make every day better than the previous. It doesn’t matter if I didn’t meet up to my expectations yesterday because I have the chance to change and keep moving forward TODAY. I hope you realize this too. Make today beautiful ❀

PS. This is my 50th post on the blog! Yay!

The Giraffe Center

Open 9:00 AM to 5 PM everyday, including weekends and public holidays.

Entrance charges:
250 Ksh for resident adults,
50 Ksh resident children, and
1000 Ksh non-resident adults.

Location: Google Maps link (opens in separate tab).
More information on their website here.

6 thoughts on “saturday shenanigans four

  1. I can relate. I feel the same typa way. Unfortunately I can’t visit a friend and cry my heart out. It’s a stage in life where it punches you in the stomach to see how much you can take. Unfortunately though, there will be more hits, but we will get used to the pain. I figured Architecture never gets easier. With time we will start getting used to it, but in the mean time, a luta continua victĂłria Ă© certa

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Don’t think me cruel for finding the thought of you crying hilarious, I just can’t picture it! Haha.

      The thing about art, architecture or whatever else you’re passionate about is everything becomes connected; it’s an all round affair you know? A failure on one front just spreads on to everything else and it’s easy to feel down if you don’t learn the lesson and pick yourself up. Creativity ultimately becomes an emotional and physical event – and it all affects our ego.

      And yes, I agree. It never gets easier but you start getting used to it. As Casey Neistat puts it, there’s only ‘losers and closers’. The important thing is to finish and keep moving. Thanks for reading Keefs!


  2. I’m glad you’ve got the character and resilience to work your way through these growing pains. The giraffe pictures are lovely. Your perceptive post has put into perspective one of my most challenging times – the evening long ago when I was trying to translate part of Book II of the Aeneid and threw the book at the wall in frustration. I have a reverence for books, so that was a bit shocking at the time.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Your comment made me smile, giggle and even tear up a little. Thank you for your kind words Susan!

      I’m glad you like the pictures, it’s a lovely place to be. There’s so much good energy because everyone just seems to be genuinely happy and present.

      Haha! I just looked up the book title and saw it’s in Latin! Wow, now I have a great admiration for you. How did it go? Did you manage to finish it?

      Thank you for reading! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. My pleasure! It was during my schooldays when I was doing A level homework. I kept on going and struggled through but it was beyond my abilities, so I liked the way you put it – my aspirations and abilities were having a moment of mismatch!

        I’ve always referred to it in my mind as a kind of benchmark and reassurance – “at least it’s not as bad as…”.


  3. Pingback: precious

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s