It’s been a while, but I’m back now 🙂
Life has been dealing me a few blows recently but I’ve been taking them like a champ, or at least I’d like to think so. It’s not as serious as it sounds. Everything is pretty much the same, the only difference is that the expectations I have for myself keep growing tremendously on a daily basis.
The past two weeks have been quite trying – creatively, emotionally, physically.
With all melt downs, it’s like a chain reaction. Starts slow but keeps building up – when one thing doesn’t go according to plan, everything else seems to shut down. One minute I was desperately trying to resolve my project, the next I was second guessing my entire life and abilities 😀 I can laugh about it now but if you know what I mean, then you understand it’s the furthest thing from funny. This two week build up of frustration reached it’s peak somewhere mid last week. It’s now gladly over, and here I am – a phoenix rising from the ashes once more. The ashes don’t symbolize a disastrous finality, but a joyful rebirth. A new chapter – more growth.
I allowed myself to feel the emotions and then tried to unscramble what the cause of this frustration was. At my ‘breaking point’, when I can’t remedy it on my own, it helps when I get some external support – I visited my friend Elsa and cried about how miserable I felt. I kept switching between talking about how, ‘I don’t know what I’m doing with my life’ and then talking about my ridiculous big dreams. Between the tears, tea and butter cookies it hit me – hey, this is all about the expectations I have of myself. It may sound shallow but hear me out. I said to her, ‘I’m so scared of failing’. And she told me something very profound, ‘Whenever I’m scared, I ask myself what do I have to lose. The answer most of the time is usually nothing‘. *Mind blown. Sees the universe in it’s entirety- galaxies floating around in space. Big Bang Theory intro imagery plays before my eyes * DAMN SON! 😀
Shortly after this conversation, I came across this Youtube video that perfectly described what a melt down is. We experience melt downs when we crave growth. You want more out of life – from yourself – and feel stuck when you can’t see or plan the way forward. And the only way to be able to move forward is by putting in work. You will either succeed or die trying. And both options are better than never trying in the first place.
It finally makes sense. With this busy world, sometimes we get carried away in the motions and forget that we are human and growth is an intrinsic part of life. We are built to grow. And it is a daily process we have to work hard for. You won’t just grow by sitting there feeling unhappy about yourself, you have to get up and feel another kind of pain. Hard work. Perseverance. And repeat it every single day – every single moment. If at first you don’t succeed get yourself up and try again. And as Beyonce aptly put it, slay trick or you get eliminated. Whether you’re an Aaliyah or Beyonce fan you have to see there’s a common thread here.
So after a tough couple of days, and finally understanding what my body, mind and spirit were trying to tell me, I decided to do something nice for myself and had my brother tag along. We spent our afternoon feeding giraffes at The Giraffe Center, drinking tea and topped it off with some dessert at Coldstone. Get this, they have a cake called ‘A cheesecake named Desire’. Best believe that’s what we had and it was delicious. What a way to start off my week ❤
I want to end this post by saying how grateful I am. For life, the people who love me – friends and family. And for the love I feel for them in return. I am grateful for this blog and the continuous growth it keeps pushing me towards. And as a creative outlet that keeps me seeking and attracting more beautiful experiences. For you, and you, and you, and you who keep coming back to read my endless ramblings here! 😀 For everything.
I am grateful for the opportunity to grow each and every day. I now understand more and more every day that I have the ability to make every day better than the previous. It doesn’t matter if I didn’t meet up to my expectations yesterday because I have the chance to change and keep moving forward TODAY. I hope you realize this too. Make today beautiful ❤
PS. This is my 50th post on the blog! Yay!
The Giraffe Center
Open 9:00 AM to 5 PM everyday, including weekends and public holidays.
250 Ksh for resident adults,
50 Ksh resident children, and
1000 Ksh non-resident adults.