On the way.

I don’t know when I stopped counting down the days in a year. It used to be a habit I started with the intent of making me more conscious and aware of time.

At that time, I felt like I was really chasing after something. Keeping track of my goals every day amidst anxiety, hope and extremely bourgeoisie dreams. It hit me the other day that I got drowned in working hard that I forgot I had an end goal.

When you end up working so hard you lose track and forget your goals… Just working. Sometimes, you’ll get a lucid feeling and you realize you got a little distracted on your goals. It’s great, because it will force you to sort of restart your system and get back on track.

The work is a stepping stone, but it is not the end goal.

So you take a step back, take a deep breath and empty your mind. The world sort of goes quiet in those moments. And you get to watch your life from a few steps back and think, hey. I’m proud of you kiddo.

That lucid feeling descended on me on Thursday. I looked up to the sky and saw the thin crescent moon marking The Islamic New Year, 1439. A new moon. A new year. I saw it at around 4.30pm. It just seemed very special and magical in that moment.

I can’t describe what happened next but I felt the hairs raise on the back of my neck and arms, and the entire world went completely silent. Just staring at the Alzu Petroport view point. There’s this pool where wildlife just come to graze. I remember seeing zebras and buffaloes.

We got only five minutes to take pictures then we were back on the road. It was a long ride, from Nilspruit to Sandton, and I’m grateful I got to see the sunset. The sun sets quite early around here, it’s a huge ball of fire in the sky from around 5.30 – 6 pm. It’s magnificent.

Oh, and today is the 268th day of 2017. 268/ 365.

97 days remaining in 2017.

I need to do more memorable things.

Resilience.

Isn’t it intriguing how language can have such a great effect on us?

And how our minds can process certain emotions in pictures and interpret what we see for us, on an emotional level.

This photo somehow made me think of the word ‘Resilience’. She, along with four other ladies, were cooking in this room that didn’t have a roof. It’s was just so interesting to experience it with them. So familiar. The feeling of women talking, mothers. It made me miss my mum in that moment.

I’m pretty sure you interpret it differently too. But when I explain myself, you get it. Right?

At different junctures in my persona, I find myself gravitating towards certain words.

Recently it’s been resilience.

Resilience.

At times it’s joy. Love. Strength. Beauty. Intellect. Class.

I repeat these words to myself as reminders – affirmations – whenever I get a moment of presence. They seem to be distant these days so whenever I do get one, I hold onto it as long as I can.

I enjoy the walks home from the bus stop. How the trees look when they catch the security light in their leaves.

I’ve noticed they’ve been blooming a bit more. There’s this scanty bush that has these fragrant little white flowers that fill up the entire area with a sweet, soft scent of a million flowers.

Like perfume.

Yesterday I picked one and put it in my hair.

Tonight, I’m exhausted. But extremely grateful. I want to push harder. I want to be better.

I want to be great.