saturday shenanigans four

It’s been a while, but I’m back now 🙂

 

12345Life has been dealing me a few blows recently but I’ve been taking them like a champ, or at least I’d like to think so. It’s not as serious as it sounds. Everything is pretty much the same, the only difference is that the expectations I have for myself keep growing tremendously on a daily basis.

The past two weeks have been quite trying – creatively, emotionally, physically.
With all melt downs, it’s like a chain reaction. Starts slow but keeps building up – when one thing doesn’t go according to plan, everything else seems to shut down. One minute I was desperately trying to resolve my project, the next I was second guessing my entire life and abilities 😀 I can laugh about it now but if you know what I mean, then you understand it’s the furthest thing from funny. This two week build up of frustration reached it’s peak somewhere mid last week. It’s now gladly over, and here I am – a phoenix rising from the ashes once more. The ashes don’t symbolize a disastrous finality, but a joyful rebirth. A new chapter – more growth.

I allowed myself to feel the emotions and then tried to unscramble what the cause of this frustration was. At my ‘breaking point’, when I can’t remedy it on my own, it helps when I get some external support – I visited my friend Elsa and cried about how miserable I felt. I kept switching between talking about how, ‘I don’t know what I’m doing with my life’ and then talking about my ridiculous big dreams. Between the tears, tea and butter cookies it hit me – hey, this is all about the expectations I have of myself. It may sound shallow but hear me out. I said to her, ‘I’m so scared of failing’. And she told me something very profound, ‘Whenever I’m scared, I ask myself what do I have to lose. The answer most of the time is usually nothing‘. *Mind blown. Sees the universe in it’s entirety- galaxies floating around in space. Big Bang Theory intro imagery plays before my eyes * DAMN SON! 😀

Shortly after this conversation, I came across this Youtube video that perfectly described what a melt down is. We experience melt downs when we crave growth. You want more out of life – from yourself – and feel stuck when you can’t see or plan the way forward. And the only way to be able to move forward is by putting in work. You will either succeed or die trying. And both options are better than never trying in the first place.

It finally makes sense. With this busy world, sometimes we get carried away in the motions and forget that we are human and growth is an intrinsic part of life. We are built to grow.  And it is a daily process we have to work hard for. You won’t just grow by sitting there feeling unhappy about yourself, you have to get up and feel another kind of pain. Hard work. Perseverance. And repeat it every single day – every single moment. If at first you don’t succeed get yourself up and try again. And as Beyonce aptly put it, slay trick or you get eliminated. Whether you’re an Aaliyah or Beyonce fan you have to see there’s a common thread here.

So after a tough couple of days, and finally understanding what my body, mind and spirit were trying to tell me, I decided to do something nice for myself and had my brother tag along. We spent our afternoon feeding giraffes at The Giraffe Center, drinking tea and topped it off with some dessert at Coldstone. Get this, they have a cake called ‘A cheesecake named Desire’. Best believe that’s what we had and it was delicious. What a way to start off my week ❤

I want to end this post by saying how grateful I am. For life, the people who love me – friends and family. And for the love I feel for them in return. I am grateful for this blog and the continuous growth it keeps pushing me towards. And as a creative outlet that keeps me seeking and attracting more beautiful experiences. For you, and you, and you, and you who keep coming back to read my endless ramblings here! 😀 For everything.

I am grateful for the opportunity to grow each and every day. I now understand more and more every day that I have the ability to make every day better than the previous. It doesn’t matter if I didn’t meet up to my expectations yesterday because I have the chance to change and keep moving forward TODAY. I hope you realize this too. Make today beautiful ❤

PS. This is my 50th post on the blog! Yay!

The Giraffe Center

Open 9:00 AM to 5 PM everyday, including weekends and public holidays.

Entrance charges:
250 Ksh for resident adults,
50 Ksh resident children, and
1000 Ksh non-resident adults.

Location: Google Maps link (opens in separate tab).
More information on their website here.

the hills

“The only man who never makes a mistake is the man who never does anything”.

– Theodore Roosevelt.

 

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Random question – Did The Weeknd’s song ‘The Hills’ start playing in your head when you read the title? Is it playing now? Because from the time the thought of going to The Ngong Hills Windmills came to my mind, I found myself humming the melody of the song and singing out, ‘The hills have eyes, the hills have eeeeeyes, who are youuu to juuudge, who are youuu-oouuu-oouuu’. Now do you understand why I dubbed myself comedian on my Facebook page? Haha. I changed it to ‘artist’ because no one seemed to get the joke and it is a more accurate description of who I am anyway. Please like and share the page, I’d really appreciate it 🙂

I type this post with a need to revive my spirit. Of course with the new year, most of us find ourselves reflecting on the previous year – trying to set goals and come up with a plan for a ‘new and improved’ version of ourselves. See I’d always wondered why they’d say that on adverts, ‘new and improved’. It makes sense to me now. Growing up is more than just aging, it should be a process where you keep improving on who you are. A new and improved version of yourself emerges after every chapter of growth. My goal is to open such new chapters on a daily basis because it seems like the only thing that keeps me sane.

Part of the reason why I try to explore and take on more adventures these days is because well, I do struggle with myself. I think we all do sometimes – for me, all the time. It’s not about wanting other people to approve of me, but I want to approve of me. I want to do more things for me. Not for anyone else’s approval or admiration – not for popularity or numbers. I do this for me, to boost up my confidence and get the rush I always get from being my goofy self and still getting things done. From seeing that, me, Fatma, exactly as I am, I can still get things done – and that is a victory. Even the smallest of victories give you that little boost and make you walk with your head held just a little higher.

I do this for me, and post about it here with hopes that someone just as shy, or someone who is struggling to feel better about themselves can see that, “Hey, this goofy chick is sorta trying (because truly I’m just trying so hard) to chase her dreams and maybe I can too”. In moments when you’re craving for growth and progress chap chap, just get started on something small and trust the process. Today, I encourage you to take on more adventures, however small they may be 🙂
And even if you fail, it’s all good because you learn something and you can try again. Which is better than never starting, don’t be too hard on yourself ❤

Ngong Hills Windmills

Entrance – 400 Ksh ( which has to be paid via MPESA on arrival so make sure you have enough money on there).

Dress up warm. If you feel sick, short of breath and develop a headache just go back down in case it is altitude sickness.
Pack a picnic 🙂
Go with great company ❤
And just chill.

You can find more information by following this link.

Happy second week of January!

nostalgia

“One is always at home in one’s past…”
― Vladimir Nabokov.

5 days into January, 2017 and I’m already finding myself reminiscing back to December, 2016.

I took the break very literally – I told myself that I wouldn’t think about work or any other adult-like responsibilities. Instead, I would enjoy this free time by finding interesting things to do and places to see. I took the time to celebrate my ups and downs all through the year and basically just have fun. Be a child, if only just for a few days until real life would be back calling on my full attention. Today, I’ll share one of the few places I explored. I’ll let the pictures do most of the talking ❤

Windsor Golf Hotel & Country Club

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Basically, I went for lunch at Windsor a day before Christmas. Lol.

It was quiet – and I like quiet places 🙂

Just beautiful. The Victorian style and planning of the buildings adds on to the whimsical feel of the place. Symmetry seemed to be a theme that carried itself through the gardens and all the way into the interior. The Library Lounge, which is just as lush as it sounds, was complete with a grand piano right next to a wooden coffee bar, with finishing touches like sheer ivory white chiffon drapes blowing in the wind. I can see girl friends giggling at the wooden bar, a couple flirting away in a corner, or maybe even a group of young and/ or old businessmen and women closing some deals – murmuring away with random bursts of laughter. I must say it is quite a sensual, masculine room.

The food was great, which cost about 2000 Ksh per person. Heck, I’d go all the way for just a cup of coffee and a simple pastry because I’m quite sure it would be exquisite. Why did it take me this long to come here in the first place? *rhetoric question because I already know the answer is that I live on the other side of the world*

You all must go! I’ll definitely be back to explore some more, it just seems like the place that would have several other themed rooms. You know, a white room, or one with a tropical theme – with bold greens, mustards and maroons. Even the bathrooms are photo worthy. And if you’re into golf, it apparently has the best golf course in Kenya.

I hope you enjoyed the pictures. I must admit I do need some pointers when it comes to editing pictures. I don’t mind the muted colours here because you could say it goes with the whole ‘nostalgic’ feel of the post. It was not intentional that I can say for sure, just happened to ‘work out’. Well, sorta.

Let me know if you’ll pass by this weekend, or any other day for that matter 🙂